Review: Paradise Girl: A gripping psychological drama, by Phill Featherstone

Title: Paradise Girl: A gripping psychological drama
Author: Phill Featherstone
Format: ebook
Source: BookSirens

From Goodreads: "A fatal virus ravages Kerryl's community, wiping out her friends and family.

Left on her own, it isn't long before she starts to lose her grip on reality. She's convinced that she, too, will soon fall prey to the infection, and decides to record in a diary what she thinks will be her last days.

She imagines a reader, and calls him Adam. As the empty days pass, Adam becomes increasingly real to her until his presence dominates her life and she becomes emotionally obsessed by him. She is elated when she receives what she thinks is an invitation from him to a date at a local beauty spot, and sets out across the moor to meet Adam, and her fate.

'The truth is blurred in this captivating psychological thriller, which saves its final surprise until a twist at the very end.'

Paradise Girl has received 'Chill With a Book' Readers' and Book of the Month Awards, an Indie BRAG Medallion, and is a finalist in the Wishing Shelf 2018 Awards."

My Opinion: I will admit to feeling a bit of trepidation when I read the synopsis of this book because I wasn't sure if a book told in diary form, from the viewpoint of a completely isolated teenage girl (who may or may not be the only survivor from her neck of the woods (Yorkshire, England) following the outbreak of a devastating and deadly virus), would be able to hold my interest, but boy was I wrong to worry!! I enjoyed the story so much it took me by surprise.  "A gripping psychological drama" is the perfect description of this book. The writing was amazing, the world building enticing enough to make me want to jump on a plane immediately and visit the moors of Yorkshire, and the pacing perfect. Not to be sexist, but I was very, very surprised that an adult man could get into the mind of a teenage girl with such accuracy, but he certainly nailed it.

This story grabbed me from the beginning and didn't let go until the very last page, and actually stayed with me long after that. The word that comes to mind when I think about it now is "haunting."

In summary, I highly recommend this book to YA fans of dystopian fiction and truly gripping psychological drama. I'm giving it a very enthusiastic 5/5 stars.

I received a copy of this book free of charge from BookSirens in exchange for my honest review.

Review: The Greatest Magician, by Elena Paige (Prequel to The Magicians series)

Review: The Greatest Magician (Prequel to The Magicians' series)
Author: Elena Paige
Format: ebook
Source: Book Sirens

From Goodreads: "A convention for magicians! Mages and illusionists casting spells and performing spectacular tricks! The perfect annual event for every magical family!

Except for someone like Jack Roberts.

His mother is The Great Linda, a woman who can’t die. His dad has the power to heal. His sister can bend people to her will. But Jack has no such magic up his sleeve. He’s about as ordinary as can be. In fact, the annual Magicians’ Convention is the very last place on Earth he wants to hang out.

Then Jack discovers there might be a way for him to gain magic after all.

How far will Jack go in his desperate quest for magic? And who can he trust?

See where it all began in The Greatest Magician, a prequel following the adventures of young Jack and his family years before the events of The Magicians’ Convention."

My Opinion: Per the author: "This book is The Prequel to The Magicians' series. It can be read as a stand alone book, but is awesome when read after book 1: The Magicians' Convention."

I didn't read this prequel before reading The Magicians' Convention, but Ms. Paige is correct - it can be read as a stand alone. In fact, it was a very good introduction to what I think is going to be an excellent series. You don't have to rely just on MY opinion - I had my 13 year old son read it along with me and he loved it! Rave reviews were given all around.

Jake is the only member of a magical family without magic. He tries and tries, and acts like it doesn't bother him, but when the occasion presents itself to obtain a magic coin that could just possibly give him magical abilities, he jumps at the chance! Unfortunately, it turns out that this will not be an easy feat. He meets some kids at the Magicians' Convention who have the same idea, and they team up to get the coins.

The characters were fleshed out nicely. You really get a feel for where they are each coming from, which is remarkable given the fact that this is not a full length novel (as it is a prequel) and there is lots and lots of action. The world building very well done - it is now my life's ambition to find and attend The Magicians' Convention, even if I have to sneak in!

The writing did something most books cannot do, and that is keep the attention of my ADHD 13 year old son! Trust me, that is no easy task. Being a middle grade book, I like to get his opinion when possible to make sure my review is accurate, and we both loved this one. The pace was well done and easily kept our interest, and for this reason, it was a quick read. We are looking forward to reading book 1 of this trilogy. 

In summary, I enjoyed this book very much and highly recommend it to lovers of MG fantasy books with an emphasis on magic, which is a favorite of mine. I give it an enthusiastic 5/5 stars.

I received a copy of this book free of charge from BookSirens in exchange for my honest opinion.

Review: Sisters of Summer's End (Summer Resort #2), by Lori Foster

Title: Sisters of Summer's End (Summer Resort #2)
Author: Lori Foster
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: "As the summer ends, friendship begins...When single mom Joy Lee abandoned her old life to take a job at a lakeside resort, she found something that her family's wealth and influence could never buy: peace of mind. Not easy to come by for the once-burned divorce who keeps everyone at a distance. But when her new friend, Maris, dares her to take a chance with the drive-in's charismatic new owner, everything changes for Joy and her young son. A difficult childhood has left Maris Kennedy with definite priorities. Her job running Summer's End, the camp store and cafe, comes first. Always. Nothing could ever make her risk that hard-won security--especially not her free-spirited colleague. But the more she encourages Joy to open herself up to new experiences, the more Maris begins to wonder what she, too, might be missing. Learning how to trust will bring Joy and Maris together. 
And soon they form a friendship that leaves them as close as sisters--and open to love where they least expect it...in Summer's End."

My Opinion: Confession #1: I love Lori Foster and will happily read anything she has written!! Confession #2: That being said, I haven't read the first book in the Summer Resort series - Cooper's Charm - yet, but I will be rectifying that oversight very quickly because I absolutely loved this book!! Luckily, even though this is the second book in the series, it was able to be read as a standalone story. 

The most important thing I noted as I was reading this story is that, while it has a couple of very hot romances in it, the relationship that is mostly explored is the friendship between Maris and Joy, and I absolutely loved that! Their friendship grows and blossoms even as they get to know each other, but they have each closed themselves off to any type of relationship because they are putting all of their time and energy into the priorities in their lives: Maris with her camp store and cafe, and Joy with her son. So the question is, can they change that and open themselves up to new experiences and new people? Watching their journey was both captivating and heartening, and I loved it.

The characters were all very likable (or hard to like as the case may be) and they were all fleshed out beautifully. Their back stories were woven in so you know exactly where they are coming from and why they have made the decisions that have brought them to this place and time.

The setting was very well written, so much so that I want to go stay at this lakeside resort myself! The descriptions of the fall and winter seasons were so real that they cooled me off in the midst of this hot summer! And the plot line unraveled at just the right pace, which is hard to achieve, but is done so beautifully here.

In summary, this book was a fascinating read, a different kind of love story, and it captivated me right from the start. 

I give this book 5/5 stars, and can enthusiastically recommend it to anyone looking for a light, but very fulfilling, book to read.  

I received a copy of this book free of charge from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Guarding the Amish Midwife (Amish Country Justice #6), by Dana R. Lynn

Title: Guarding the Amish Midwife (Amish Country Justice #6)
Author: Dana R. Lynn
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: "An Amish witness to murder

Another riveting Amish Country Justice book

On the way to deliver a baby, Amish midwife Lizzy Miller witnesses her driver’s murder—and now someone plans to silence her. Lizzy knows better than to trust strangers, but she must depend on former Amish turned Englisch police officer Isaac Yoder. And there’s nowhere safe to hide…unless Isaac reconnects with the Amish community he left behind to protect the woman he’s falling for. "

My Opinion: I hadn't read the previous books in this series and was really hoping that wouldn't be a problem, and lucky for me, it wasn't! In fact, I loved this book so much I'm going to go back and start with the first one and read the rest of the series. 

Lizzy Miller is a midwife and is going to stay with her pregnant cousin to assist with her birth, but it is too far away to take her buggy, so she has to get a ride. Unfortunately, her substitute driver has to make a stop, which leads to him getting shot and Lizzy witnessing it. Luckily, the cop who ends up protecting her is former Amish, so she feels an automatic kinship with him, which is good because the killer will stop at nothing to silence her. 

I love the characters in this story! They are very well written and easy to relate to. The world building, especially when we are visiting the Amish households, makes you feel like you're right there with the characters. And the suspense! It'll have you on the edge of your seat from start to finish!

All in all, I thought this book was very well written and I can't wait to start at the beginning of the series and read books 1 through 5.

I give it a very enthusiastic 5 out of 5 stars.

I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion.

Review: 'Twas the Knife Before Christmas (A Christmas Tree Farm Mystery #2), by Jacqueline Frost

Title: 'Twas the Knife Before Christmas (A Christmas Tree Farm Mystery #2)
Author: Jacqueline Frost
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: A Christmas delight, ’Twas the Knife Before Christmas will charm the stockings off readers of Joanne Fluke and Leslie Meier. 

It’s out of the cupcake tin, into the fire for Holly White’s best friend, Caroline. Can Holly clear Caroline’s name in time to go caroling?

When a body turns up in the dumpster behind Caroline’s Cupcakes, Holly White is horrified to learn her best friend Caroline is the main suspect. Everyone in town, including Mistletoe, Maine’s sheriff, saw Caroline fighting with the victim on the night of his death. Worse, Caroline’s fingerprints are all over the murder weapon, a custom-designed marble rolling pin. 

Now, just ten days before Christmas, Holly’s up to her jingle bells in holiday shenanigans and in desperate need of a miracle. Juggling extra shifts at her family’s Christmas tree farm and making enough gingerbread jewelry to satisfy the crowd is already more than she can handle—and now she has to find time to clear her best friend of murder. Add in her budding relationship with the sheriff, and run-ins with an ex-fiancé looking to make amends, and Holly’s ready to fly south until springtime. 

But her Sherpa-lined mittens come off when Caroline is taken into custody. Can Holly wrap up the case in time for Christmas…even after she gains the true killer’s attention? Find out in ‘Twas the Knife Before Christmas, Jacqueline Frost’s second pine-scented Christmas Tree Farm mystery.

My Opinion:  I was so excited to go back and visit Holly and her family and friends at the White family's Christmas tree farm in Mistletoe, Maine! A year has passed since the events of the first book of the series, and, as expected, another murder is about to occur, with a close friend of Holly's, Caroline of Caroline's Cupcakes, as the main suspect. Caroline had had a rather public argument with her date at a benefit dinner (he couldn't keep his hands to himself), and lo and behold, he shows up dead in a giant bowl of mints at the annual tree lighting ceremony, stabbed with one of Caroline's knives!! It's up to Holly to make sure that her friend gets a fair shake when all of the evidence points right to her. 

I am so in love with the descriptions of this amazing Christmas town and all of the holiday themed events that are held up at the White family's Reindeer Games Christmas Tree Farm! I feel like I'm right there building snowmen, sledding blind folded, and riding sleighs through the tree farm (although I could do without being shot at!). The characters are all very well written, so much so that you feel like they are your friends and family, as well as Holly's. The setting was described in delicious detail, and the story unfolded at the perfect pace, jumping between sleuthing and celebrating the holiday with ease. The only complaint I have is with the romance (or lack thereof) between Holly and Evan, the local sheriff. It just seemed a bit "meh", but I'm hoping it will pick up a bit more in the next book in the series. When Holly and Evan are together, there is definite chemistry, and we do find out why Evan is a bit of an absentee love interest, but I hope they can find a way to spend more time together building on that chemistry. 

All in all, I was very happy with the characters, world building, and pacing of this book, and only have a tiny complaint about the romance, which I'm certain will grow in the following books of the series. I'm giving this book an enthusiastic 4.5 stars.

I received a copy of this book free of charge through NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion. 

Review: Mortality (The Hitchhiker Strain #1), by Kellie Sheridan

Title: Mortality (The Hitchhiker Strain #1)
Author: Kellie Sheridan
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: After surviving a deadly plague outbreak, sixteen-year-old Savannah thought she had lived through the very worst of human history. There was no way to know that the miracle vaccine would put everyone at risk for a fate worse than un-death. 

Now, two very different kinds of infected walk the Earth, intent on nothing but feeding and destroying what little remains of civilization. When the inoculated are bitten, infection means watching on in silent horror as self-control disappears and the idea of feasting on loved ones becomes increasingly hard to ignore. 

Starving and forced to live inside of the abandoned high school, all Savannah wants is the chance to fight back. When a strange boy arrives with a plan to set everything right, she gets her chance. Meeting Cole changes everything. Mere survival will never be enough.

My Opinion: I love a good zombie book, and this story didn't let me down. There was lots of action, lots of zombie ass kicking, and some sweet YA romance thrown in for good measure. The characters were well developed, the plot moved along at a pretty good clip, and the world building was phenomenal, in that it portrayed a very bleak and deserted world full of violence and general mayhem, with just enough hope sprinkled in to keep you going.

There are two main stories told here - Savannah's, along with her friends, and Zarah and Liam's. They all inhabit the same world, but their experiences are completely different, and it is these differences that shape the characters and drive the separate storylines. I would love to say that I have a favorite, but I kept switching back and forth and finally gave up trying to choose and just enjoyed them both!

In summary, I really, really enjoyed this story, and give it 5/5 stars :)

Review: Hugo and the Bird: Gnome Wars, by Jeff Mills

Title: Hugo and the Bird: Gnome Wars
Author: Jeff Mills
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: Kadavera, the witch, was dead. This should mean a celebration, but for nine-year-old Hugo, his schoolmate, Emma and their strange magical friend, Bird, it is the start of another dangerous adventure. Her death has precipitated the regeneration of not just one but both of her sister witches – and they are both far worse than she ever was. 

Conscripting the Cornish goblins, the witches capture the gnomes from the Gnome Reserve to use as guinea pigs in their experiments to be able to exist in daylight. This would allow them to fulfil their dying vow; to kill and destroy all those and their descendants, who were responsible for their own and their mothers’ unjust execution 300 years before. They are determined not to let anyone stand in their way, especially two interfering children and a stupid bird. 

A chance finding of a small amulet leads Hugo and his friends into realms of King Arthur and to the magic power of his sword, Excalibur. Emma receives some terrible news, which ultimately takes her on a journey from which there may be no return and pits her against her friends. Can Hugo and Bird, rescue the gnomes and prevent the witches from achieving their lethal goal and how can an inquisitive journalist make everything far worse? Set in North Devon, the heart-pounding adventure continues and is based on historical events. Hugo and the Bird: Gnome Wars is a tale of fantasy, revenge and friendship that readers from nine years to ninety will identify with and love.

My Opinion: Hugo and his friend, Emma, along with their magical "bird" find themselves dealing with another mystery involving resurrected witches. What's not to love about a story involving witches hell bent on revenge, magical creatures, goblins and gnomes? Due to the young age of the main characters, this book is geared towards older elementary age to middle school age children.

I didn't have a chance to read the first book in the series, Hugo and the Bird: The Toothfairy, but that didn't keep me from being able to follow along and keep up with this story. There were a number of errors with spelling, punctuation and grammar, but I received my copy through NetGalley and it is understood that the book is almost always an uncorrected proof, so hopefully the final version will go through a final editing process before release.

The characters were likeable and very much acted their age, which is better than some MG stories where the characters act much older and with more maturity than they should possess. The action was constant and the plot moved along at a quick pace. There was just the right amount of suspense to keep the reader involved, and some of it was downright scary, which younger readers will love!

In summary, I really enjoyed this story, and with some good editing to tighten it up, I can definitely recommend it for older elementary and middle grade students who love their fantasy with a good mystery thrown in to boot :)

I received a copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion.

4 out of 5 stars ;) 

Review: Magdalena Gottschalk: The Crooked Trail (Magdalena Gottschalk #1) by M. Gail Grant

Title: Magdalena Gottschalk: The Crooked Trail (Magdalena Gottschalk #1)
Author: M. Gail Grant
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: Lily Brooke, where small town charm and a hidden secret converge one fateful late autumn night. The demons of the past are determined to never be locked away again. MALB, the Mystical Alliance of Lily Brooke, consists of six childhood friends that are bound together in loyalty, friendship, and courage. Together, they all face the unleashed enchantments that are haunting the children after their discovery of the forbidden sacrificial cave, crooked trail, and mysterious treehouse. Magdalena has always known she is different from the others, but the cause has always escaped her, until now. Coming to grips with her soul purpose, she must gather courage she never knew she possessed to save her friends and family from the evil forces hiding amongst them. 

Magdalena Gottschalk: The Crooked Trail, is a middle grades to young adult epic fantasy fiction novel, that explores faith, unity, differences, belief in a higher power, magic, and teamwork. It will leave you sitting on the edge of your seat, begging to turn the page, while written for audiences of all ages. With a touch of southern charm and tradition, this novel takes you on a journey not for the faint of heart. Witches, wizards, demons, black magic, and soul searching all have their place in the quaint little town of Lily Brooke. 

My Opinion: Magdalena and her friends Gabriel and Hubert decide to spend a beautiful day exploring the woods behind Hubert's farm. Magdalena just celebrated her 13th birthday and her wish to have something exciting happen to her has come true, but not in the way she had hoped! When people say to "be careful what you wish for," this is exactly what they had in mind!

I loved the description of this book and was looking forward to reading it, but there were a few glaring problems that really took away from my ability to fully engage with the characters and the story. The description of the book says that it is for middle grades to young adult, but I really think it is geared more toward the younger set. The characters are 13, so I would say this is the age of the readers that would enjoy it, as young adults would really notice the problems and be bogged down by them, as I was. The way the kids speak was weirdly formal, especially for 13 year olds. For example, they didn't use contractions when speaking to each other, and they explained things that the others should already know, almost like they were adults speaking to children instead of young teenagers speaking to friends they've known their whole lives. And at one point, when Magdalena is talking with 5 of her good friends (the members of MALB, the Mystical Alliance of Lily Brooke), she says: "This morning, he made eye contact with my mother, Leona, and had his assistant take his place at the door to greet the morning attendees. My mother turned to my father, Paulos, and excused herself stating she needed to go to the ladies' restroom." Again, these kids have known each other all of their lives, so you would assume they know who her mother and father are, which was why it was odd that she threw her parents' names in there, like they had no idea who she was talking about! I've just never heard kids do that, especially 13 year olds who seem to abbreviate everything these days. Then there was the wrong usage of who/whoever and whom/whomever, which is a pet peeve of mine. I stumbled every time the words were used wrong: e.g. "Whom wrote such a ridiculous story?" This happened over and over again. Also, the writing seems forced sometimes, which breaks the reader's concentration and the flow of the story itself. Other times, something just doesn't make sense, so you have to stop and figure out what didn't work in the sentence, and that takes you out of the story as well: "The group all tried to bend, move or sway the perfectly spaced boulders, but nothing gave." How the heck do you bend or sway a boulder? It just doesn't make sense. 

Another big problem for me was that there would be pages of descriptions of what was happening in a scene, as well as dialogue, and then when someone new came along, instead of just saying that the character repeated what they had heard, done or said, they actually repeated the whole darn thing! There was way too much retelling and re-explaining, and I feel like that bogged the story down a lot. But other times, not enough was explained. When something big happens to Magdalena in the second half of the book, and I mean big as in life changing, rock my world kind of big, she has a moment of indecision, then says she has come to terms with it, and then just seems to know instinctively what to do and how to do it (it's hard to describe it without giving it away lol), even though it's something that adults would have to take time themselves to figure out! There just wasn't enough explanation of how one got from point A to point B sometimes.

Now, the things that I liked about the book: the story itself was a good one. There was a sense of intrigue and mystery that drew you in and made you want to continue to read. The characters were described very well so it was easy to find yourself invested in them. The world building was great, so much so that you felt you were walking around Lily Brooke alongside the characters. The characters were likable so you found yourself honestly pulling for them to solve the mystery and save the town. The title comes from the choice you have in life of choosing the straight path, staying on the straight and narrow, or choosing the crooked trail, which can lead you to trouble. I really loved that symbolism.

In summary, I liked the actual story here, and the characters, but felt the book was bogged down with unnecessary repetition, stilted conversations, and story flow problems, which could all be fixed if the book were to be re-edited. 

I'm giving this book 3 stars out of 5 :)

Review: First Grave on the Right (Charley Davidson #1) by Darynda Jones

Title: First Grave on the Right (Charley Davidson #1)
Author: Darynda Jones
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: This whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual.
Or a diagram of some kind.
A flow chart would have been nice.

Charley Davidson is a part-time private investigator and full-time grim reaper. Meaning, she sees dead people. Really. And it's her job to convince them to "go into the light." But when these very dead people have died under less than ideal circumstances (like murder), sometimes they want Charley to bring the bad guys to justice. Complicating matters are the intensely hot dreams she's been having about an entity who has been following her all her life...and it turns out he might not be dead after all. In fact, he might be something else entirely. But what does he want with Charley? And why can't she seem to resist him? And what does she have to lose by giving in?

With scorching-hot tension and high-octane humor, First Grave on the Right is your signpost to paranormal suspense of the highest order.

My Opinion: I've wanted to start this series for a while now but never got around to it, until NetGalley was offering all of the books as read now books prior to the release of the newest one, Summoned to Thirteenth Grave, book #13. Needless to say, I jumped at this opportunity to download the entire series, and started reading First Grave on the Right immediately. I have been hearing for years about how wonderful the series is, and boy was I not let down! 

Charley Davidson is a real live grim reaper. She doesn't carry a scythe or wear the long black cape, but she still helps the dead move on. She is the bright light that draws the departed to her so that they can literally pass through her (she's a portal to the afterworld) and move on to the other side. Most of them do, but of course, there are always a few that won't leave because they have unfinished business, sometimes just passing on a message to a loved one, and other times asking her to solve their own murder. Luckily, Charley is an excellent PI, so she uses her talents to help them out. In this book, three people who worked together were all killed on the same night, so they ask Charley for her help finding out who killed them.

This book had so much of everything I love: humor, ghosts, a hotshot reaper, and a mysterious force (I can't tell you what that force is because it would give too much away) that has been around since her birth. I really can't stress the humor enough!! I laughed out loud so many times when I was reading this book! There was a lot of action, as well, but it was critical to the story, and the pacing was spot on.

In summary, I absolutely loved this book and really, really look forward to reading book #2, Second Grave on the Left. I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves a good paranormal read with a whole lot of humor!

I received a copy of this book free of charge from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Kingdom of Exiles (The Beast Charmer #1) by Maxym M. Martineau

Title: Kingdom of Exiles (The Beast Charmer #1)
Author: Maxym M. Martineau
Format: ebook
Source: NetGalley

From Goodreads: Fantastic Beasts meets Assassin's Creed in this epic, gripping fantasy romance from debut author Maxym M. Martineau.

Exiled beast charmer Leena Edenfrell is in deep trouble. Empty pockets forced her to sell her beloved magical beasts on the black market—an offense punishable by death—and now there's a price on her head. With the realm's most talented murderer-for-hire nipping at her heels, Leena makes him an offer he can't refuse: powerful mythical creatures in exchange for her life.

If only it were that simple. Unbeknownst to Leena, the undying ones are bound by magic to complete their contracts, and Noc cannot risk his brotherhood of assassins...not even to save the woman he can no longer live without. 

My Opinion: Wow! I was really surprised by how much I liked this book! Leena is a Charmer, meaning she can charm magical beasts, adding them to her personal bestiary. The descriptions of the beasts are amazing and make you really believe in them. Unfortunately, Leena is exiled from her home for something that she insists she didn't do, and is forced to sell some of her magical beasts to get enough money to live on and to buy a particular beast to help clear her name, and that is punishable by death. She is handling everything as well as she can, but then she finds out that she is being stalked by an assassin for hire, which really doesn't help her situation at all! She is forced to make a deal with the assassins in exchange for her life, and this sets in motion a journey and a quest that will forever change her life.

I'm going to say first that I loved all of the main characters, and felt they were very well fleshed out. They were complex and very real. The world building was amazing and the action intense. Then we come to the romance, which was slow to build (I really hate insta-love) and very, very hot. I found myself really pulling for everything to work out for these two!

In summary, I loved this book so much and am looking forward to reading the rest of the trilogy!! I definitely recommend it for fans of fantasy and romance.

I received a copy of this book free of charge from NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion.

Why I've been gone so long and why I'm back now

I've been gone for years, I know, but I have a good reason, I think. Years ago I had a low back operation to fix a congenital defect, which ended up being more involved than even the doctor thought. I spent 5 days in the hospital and then was sent home. About a week later, a nurse came for a home visit to check on my incision and found a mess. My incision site was seriously infected and I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery. By this time, the infection, which was a MRSA (methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus) infection, had surrounded my entire lower spine, and I was running a very high fever. They performed another emergency surgery to clean out the infection, but they found out I had also contracted bacterial meningitis and arachnoiditis, so not only was my surgical site and lower spine infected, my internal spinal column and the sac surrounding my brain were also infected. I was delirious and kept in a medically induced coma so I have no memory of any of this, but it was serious enough that my doctor didn't see how I could make it through the weekend and called my husband and mother and told them to contact the rest of my family so they could come in and say their goodbyes. My mother also called a priest, who performed Last Rites. The doctors were doing everything they could for me and were throwing everything they had at the infections, but nothing was helping. They gave me another combination of drugs and lo and behold, they worked. I was in the ICU and in the medically induced coma for about 2 weeks. When I came to, I had no memory of any of this. Because my fever wouldn't go away, even though it came down, I was kept in the hospital for 2 months. After 3 surgeries, I still had some swelling at the incision site, and unfortunately during one of the surgeries, they nicked my sciatic nerve, so I was left with chronic sciatica to deal with. I was sent to inpatient rehab for 2 weeks because my legs didn't want to work right, but eventually I was deemed fit enough to go home. I had to have 2 more surgeries that year to fix the pins and rods in my back because the infection had literally pushed them out of whack. I still have 6 pins and 3 rods in my back, and my doctor said I will continue to worsen and will eventually need more surgery, but right now we're monitoring it and maintaining it for as long as we can.

The nerve damage and chronic pain are something I've learned to live with, but as a reader, one of the biggest hurdles I've had to overcome is short-term and long-term memory loss due to the brain infection and the high fever I had. I have lost almost all memory of my life up to the time of the first surgery, and because of the short-term memory loss, I forget everyday things, too. The hardest thing to lose, though, is my memory of books and movies that I have read and watched. I had books that I was reading, and ones that I had finished that were waiting on reviews, but I have to read them again because I have no memory at all of what I read. During these years, I had given up reading because I had to re-read so much as I went along that I just gave up. I've been working very hard to try to retrain my brain, but it's a very slow process. Only recently have I been able to really start reading again and enjoy it, although I do have to take a lot of notes for when I inevitably forget things.

All of that being said, I'm alive, and that's something, so I try not to dwell on the bad things. I went through a powerful depression for a very long time, but I'm finally starting to crawl my way out of that. You have no idea how wonderful it is to look forward to things again!

I haven't written any of this because I want people to feel sorry for me. I'm done with self pity, and I don't want pity from anyone else, either. I want to start reviewing books again, and I felt like I should explain why I've been gone for so long. I don't know how I'll do, but I'm still working on my memory and am able to read a couple of books at a time again, as long as I make sure to read a little bit of each one every day. So we'll just see how it goes and take it one day at a time.

If you've managed to read all of this, thank you for hanging in there! LOL